This is the tale of how Craigslist unearthed my bottled up emotions.
We sold N's dresser and changing table last Friday to an adorable couple who are expecting their own little girl soon. My heart was so full that another little family would be able to use the pieces of furniture that held our little one and her tiny clothes when she was a baby. I felt that lump in my throat as the hubs helped carry the furniture out to their car but I swallowed hard, put a smile on my face and asked N if she wanted to go play.
I just couldn't deal with the feelings that were stirring in my heart and settling in the pit of my stomach.
In my sudden new obsession to downsize our stuff and stay busy, I'm afraid I've let my own raw emotions be stuffed down. Way down. Too far down and now I'm dealing with this horribly painful process of letting them rise up to the surface.
But it's not about the stuff.
I guess what's really bothering me is the painful realization that a lot of things in my life are changing. I'm in a brand new role as a stay at home mama. We've moved N into her big girl room and bed. We're prepping for a huge yard sale next month and I'll be going through her itty bitty baby clothes and toys. I'll also be going through my clothes that are stored in the basement, a lot of which I love but are nowhere near fitting me yet. *sigh*
I've stepped up to the domestic plate, so to speak, and the feelings of inadequacy have rushed in. Is my house clean enough? Why can't I finish all of the laundry in one day? I miss daily adult interaction. Why can't I just pee in peace? There's also a lot going on behind the scenes in our little family, some of which I hope to blog about soon.
Over the weekend, I had a major tear fest. Like the kind where the hot tears just keep coming and there seems to be no end. Trying to put into words what was bothering me when the hubs asked, with concern in his voice, was difficult.
Life is just happening much faster than I anticipated.
That's all I've got today, folks.