from my mama heart.
I've mentioned before that I'm not a baby person. I feel the need to clarify that a bit. I love babies. Not in the creepy way that my grandma does when she's at Wal-Mart but I absolutely love little squishy babies. Parenting one of them, though, was tough for me. We had a lot of other life stuff happening at the same time that we were trying to find a medical solution to N's severe reflux and my nursing issues.
It was not fun.
As N grew into the toddler she is now, the stress that culminated from those first few months of her life started to dissipate and I began to breathe a little easier. I thought "I love toddlerhood and I love that she's growing up." I even remarked to a friend, just a few weeks ago, that I was not one of those mamas who was sad that my baby was growing into a person.
Well, that has changed.
So much so that I'm writing this post with tear-filled eyes.
Maybe it was in the moment when she said said to me, "I'm a good girl". Maybe it was in the moment when she ran to me after falling off her toy car so I could kiss her "boo boo." Maybe it was in the moment when I realized that, in a few short years, a hug from me isn't going to fix her whole world. Maybe it was when I read my new mama friend's Facebook status that said "I hope to love whoever my son marries, just because she loves and takes care of my son." Maybe it was in the moment when I realized that our current nap struggles are nothing compared to what we may face in our future. Maybe it was in the moment, the quiet one, where she leaned her head back on my chest and happily sighed as we held hands, watching a movie.
Time, you can stop now.
15 comments:
You make me tear up. My son is going into FOURTH grade next year. I look at my sweet little two month old and then I look at my eight year old and I plead for this to just go slowly. I want to soak up and savor the sweet little baby smells and her soft skin and the little cooing noises she makes. Oh my gosh I love the baby stage.
this is so very sweet! I don't know how you feel - yet - but I can only imagine it's tough watching them grow up and not need you as much. I know even for David and the 10 year old it's tough as he gains more and more independence and his Dad isn't as 'cool' as he once was!
I am right there with you on all counts! My heart aches to think that this season will pass. It is little comfort to think that the next season will be sweet in its own ways.
This is such a sweet post. I wish I could stop time so all my kids would stay between 12-18mo. of age. That's my favorite time (so far).
I have a post very similar to this formulating in my head. It's so hard to watch them grow up :(
Oh man, you're making me cry now! Of course, I may or may not have choked up this morning when I realized that W needs size 4 diapers now instead of size 3. ;)
I totally understand and am sympathetic. Now you know why I have three. Each phase has its ups and downs but being in the moment is what being a mama is all about. And learning from it all is the best thing to help me move forward to what I know is coming in their futures. Hugs to you mama...sigh, I need to go smell lil beans head, not too much longer will she be smelling of baby shampoo. Xoxo
Aww my most recent post on my blog is all about a letter to my daughter as a teenager, and it made me cry when I wrote it. This has also made me tear up as well- eek i am an emotional wreck!
Just keep capturing these moments! You will love to look back on them.
My nephews & niece's are growing up so fast. I just want them to slow doownn!
Enjoy your time with N & we know you love her unconditionally!
awww, its so crazy how fast it goes and now i understand why my mom was so sad at graduations, recitals, and all other milestones. lets enjoy the moment whether it be fun or challenging :) hugs
oooh, I love the little babies...
even Brooke with the worry of heart failure the first four months and all her nonsense we had to go through....babies are magical, special....
and I love new baby cry
If I had words to say I wouldn't be able to see through the tears to type them. Precious :)
Yup, totally with you on this.
It is SO fun watching them grow up but it is also SO hard. When Brayden weaned himself out of nowhere, I felt horrible. I will never forget that night sitting in the chair while he had formula out of a zippy, simply because he outgrew me. It was heart-wrenching. But, as he has gotten older, we have lots of other special moments. Each stage has their own. I would be lying if I didn't say I missed it but I know that each stage brings something new. :)
i'm so with you there! i also had nursing issues and marrin had reflux...i was so ready for her to be two and three...now that she is almost five, kindergarten scares me to death!
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